


fighting words

by doofusface



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Insults, Mother-Son Relationship, Protectiveness, Punching, the webheads are at it again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 12:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18521530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doofusface/pseuds/doofusface
Summary: Flash had it coming.





	fighting words

**Author's Note:**

> post-europe trip and def not canon compliant
> 
> also "spidey squad" is too long i call them the "webheads" now, outside of the [band au](http://doofusface.tumblr.com/tagged/the%20webheads)
> 
> ALSO it's good friday which is a little bit funny bc _im_ dying from school rn ahuhuhuhu

MJ almost doesn’t laugh because there’s no way that _CRACK_ wasn’t a bone breaking under _superhuman strength_ —but _almost_ isn’t _doesn’t._

Besides, Flash had it coming.

“WHAT THE _HELL_ , PARKER?!” Flash screams, hands up to his bleeding nose.

“Take it back,” Peter says, eyes dark and stance curled and threatening. “ _Take it back._ ”

Ned’s beside him, hands in the air like he’s about to join the throwdown, too. MJ’s seen him mad before, but not like today.

Not like he’s seriously considering murder.

“Take it back or I hit you southside,” Ned growls, stepping forward.

Betty curses from her spot beside MJ, eyes wide in surprise. “ _Ned—_ ”

“—murder’s illegal,” MJ cuts in, stepping in finally. She pushes back slightly on Peter’s shoulder, and not-at-all slightly on Flash’s. “Kenny, get Mrs. Khan before Flash bleeds out.”

 _Eep_ , is all she hears as a reply, and the tell-tale _squeaks_ of new sneakers on freshly-mopped floors.

She looks at Flash.

The _Disquieting Stare_ look.

“Apologize.”

Flash, predictably, balks. “ _He_ punched _me_!”

MJ leans in closer. “And you insulted his only living relative.”

“My _nose_ is _broken_ —”

“Flash,” she says slowly, dropping in tone, “either you apologize, or I castrate you. And Midtown is _not_ sanitary.”

(A beat.)

(Two.)

 _Gulp_.

“…Sorry, Parker,” he mumbles, both hands still covering his face.

MJ flicks her wrist, nudging his side and moving away.

_Say it louder._

_Ahem_ , as Flash deflates some more. “… _Sorry_ , Parker. For calling your aunt… _y’know_.”

MJ watches as Peter straightens—still on edge, but controlled.

“Pete?” she says, raising a brow.

He grunts in response, jaw clenched as he walks past and towards the restroom.

Ned steps forward, jamming a finger into Flash’s chest.

“ _Hey_ ,” Betty says in warning, holding Ned's shoulders.

“Pull that again, and no more Mr. Nice Hat,” Ned says before backing away and fixing his cap.

“ _Ooo_ kay, tough guy,” Betty says, rolling her eyes. She turns Ned to face the exit and pushes him forward. “C’mon. Before Morita gets here.”

“Thanks,” MJ says to Betty as Ned huffs off.

“Don’t mention it,” Betty says, before glaring down at Flash. “And really, Thompson? I know common sense comes free, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value.”

_Mumble._

“Wanna say that louder? Or is it gonna get Peter back out here to deck you again?”

Pause. “…I’ll shut up.”

“Christmas came early,” MJ monotones, frowning at Flash. “Mrs. Khan’s gonna be here any second. You walked into the glass doors.”

He scoffs. “That’s not believa—”

_Glare._

“—I walked into the glass doors.”

“Repeatedly.”

“Repeatedly,” Flash squeaks.

“And thus Midtown’s _Save the Birds_ petition gains yet another piece of incidental evidence,” Betty says in her Bored Reporter voice, eyeing the glass. “Except, it’s Flash, so this could just be a case of immense stupidity. Oh, well.”

“Brant,” Flash frowns, “you’re uninvited to my summer bash.”

“Stupid of you to think I care.”

“ _Everyone_ care—”

“This is how he got his first broken body part,” MJ says, sighing quietly. She looks at Betty and gestures to the back end of the hall. “Please. Before you break his neck.”

Betty steps off and away, shrugging and pivoting with the air of old money. “C’mon, MJ—I would’ve only broken his cards.”

MJ looks pointedly at Flash, holding the quiet down for one, two, _three…_

“…You’re so lucky that I’m nicer than I look.”

* * *

(His _gulp_ echoes down two sets of lockers.)

* * *

Midtown and the State of New York do not pay school nurses well enough for believing _boldfaced lies_ about the origins of certain “accidental” injuries, when such things are very clearly earned.

* * *

“So. It was the glass?” Mrs. Khan asks, one finely-cleaned brow raises.

(The glass, which is suspiciously free from any red marks or other such smudges.)

“Yes,” Flash says gravelly, maintaining eye contact with as innocent a face as he can muster.

(That is, not very.)

Mrs. Khan nods, holding the ice pack by his nose. “Those _Save the Birds_ kids are going to have a field day.”

“Guess so,” MJ says, staring straight ahead.

“Guess so,” Mrs. Khan repeats, humming.

* * *

(MJ’s late for her next class, but it is _entirely_ worth it, if only for watching Flash struggle to tell Morita that he’d walked into the glass doors by the cafeteria.)

(Repeatedly.)

(At about 25 miles per hour.)

Flash gulps for the nth time that day. “…Or something like that.”

“Something like that,” Morita says, tired and sighing. He waves a hand at them, the other typing a few quick strokes into the computer. “You’re free to go.”

* * *

_congrats, youre off the hook_

_yknow, officially_

_What did he tell morita?_

_what I told him to_

_Youre scary sometimes_

_pretty sure he was scared of *you* this time_

_Yeah. Oops._

_how’s the hand?_

_Swingable_

_hmm_

_Not a pun!!_

_hmmmmmm_

_I promise mj it wasnt a pun :(((_

_Mj??_

_: <_

_see you at practice, semi-loser_

_:D <3_

_haha_

_< 3_

_weirdo_

* * *

“Were you really gonna castrate him?” Ned asks, one brow up high as he lays flat on his spread-out coat.

(The sun is out and they’re _not_ freezing, so, naturally, driving further into Queens to hang out in a decent park before sunset was the unspoken option.)

“Everyone assumes I have a knife in my bag,” MJ shrugs. “Might as well use it.”

Betty gawks, leaning back on the grass. “You _don’t_?”

 _Shrug._ “Dude, those are _heavy_. It’s a knife or books. And I choose books, always.”

“Forgot you tried to carry that mace thing in Europe,” Ned muses, rubbing his chin. “Makes sense.”

“That shoulda tipped everyone off,” MJ snorts.

Peter frowns. “You carried a mace?”

“ _Tried_ ,” MJ repeats. “And it was a morningstar, pretty sure.”

He frowns harder, looking around at his friends with furrowed brows. “When was this? Why don’t I remember this?”

“Museum,” Ned says blandly.

“You were ‘feeling sick’,” Betty adds, equally bored.

“Fighting Lava Dude,” MJ says, patting Peter’s head. “After you bought May’s souvenir.”

 _Blink_. “Oh,” Peter says, going quiet.

MJ throws an arm around his shoulders. “Hey,” she whispers. “She won’t be mad at you.”

“Because we’re not in trouble,” Ned says matter-of-factly.

“Well, yeah, but—Pete, even if she knew?” MJ says, leaning closer. “I think like, _Generic Parental Disappointment_ tops, and only because you went super strength on a civilian.”

“He shouldn’t have said it,” Betty agrees. “And really, like, a lot of other things, too.”

“I still shouldn’t have punched him…” Peter mutters.

“I dunno, that was _definitely_ vigilante justice, dude,” Ned grins.

“Don’t worry,” MJ says, “next time I see you about to deck him, I’ll do my _Disappointed May_ impression.”

Peter laughs. “Love you,” he says, kissing her cheek.

“And I… _larb_ _you_ ,” MJ grins, mouthing exaggeratedly.

“That’s so weirdly accurate,” Ned squints. He nods at her. “…Do it again.”

* * *

(She does it again.)

**Author's Note:**

> (boy that One Pic really pushed me over the edge to get back into this thing huh)
> 
> can someone tell me if the texts are harder to read in this format bc i read off my phone and it's useful on there but idk abt desktop users???
> 
> God bless you eggos <3 missed writing for fun!!
> 
> yell at me on [tumblr](https://doofwrites.tumblr.com/) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/doofwrites)!!


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